4 Tips for Creating Balance in Your Child’s Life

by David Brookshire, MPH/ School Counselor & Special Education Case Manager | Jul 2, 2016

Ways to Prepare Our Children to be Engaged, Resilient Participants in their School Experience

We all love our kids and do the best that we can whenever we can. Sometimes it’s helpful if we can have something to reference if we want more ideas. Based on my experience and research, here are 4 ideas that can be really helpful for creating balance in your child’s life and preparing them to thrive at school and in life.

1. Give Positive Attention: We all know and intuitively understand the importance of giving our children the attention they need. We also have our own needs, too, and sometimes the two can conflict. We all get busy, need to get things accomplished, need some time to recharge as well. The question is, “How do create balance so everyone thrives?” One of the best ways to do this is to limit technology use and actively create opportunities to connect with our kids. This could be as simple as going for a walk together, having dinner as a family, or scheduling family game night. Any positive, targeted attention can strengthen that bond and let them know that they are cared for. It also supports their social emotional development and gives them the tools they need to interact with others as they go about their day. By limiting technology to 30 minutes daily for young children and 1 hour for older children, you can help them develop socially while also supporting their brain development. Scientific research shows that increased technology use can lead to difficulty sleeping, decreased empathy, and shorter attention spans (Greenfield 2015). This can definitely have a negative effect over time and create an imbalance at school and in life. The more time we can connect with our kids and give them the positive attention they need at home, the more they will enter social and academic situations with the confidence and skills they need.
2. Give Positive Opportunities for Choice: By giving our children some healthy control over their environment, their confidence, motivation and willingness to participate can thrive. Even when these choices are simple, they give kids a sense of mastery and efficacy as they interact with the world. Naturally, these choices should be within certain, attainable boundaries. For example, you may want to go the beach on Saturday so you ask your child which beach they would like to go to. By even giving them 2 predetermined options, they can feel invested in whatever the activity may be because you have created “buy-in” by giving them some decision-making power. On the other side of this coin, we know as parents, that sometimes a choice isn’t an option. Perhaps there is a situation where a child needs to wait until a later time in order to get what they want because circumstances don’t permit it in that moment. This is a very important skill as well. Teaching our kids how to delay their gratification, when appropriate can really help them when they are at school or in the “real world.” In fact, research has shown that the ability to delay gratification and make short term sacrifices for long term gains is associated with increased math skills (Mischel 2014) and decreased chances of addiction later in life (Tangney et al. 2004). And, not to mention, increased self-control and the ability to deal with frustration and stress (Shoda et al. 1990) are also benefits of practicing delayed gratification. So, to summarize, we give our children a tremendous gift when we allow them choices when possible and when we teach them how to delay choice when appropriate.
3. Create and Maintain Predictability: This one is pretty straightforward. When we can establish and maintain routines for our kids, the more they learn that the world is a safe and predictable place. When they know what to expect on a regular basis, they are more comfortable and willing to take appropriate risks. You probably already have some routines in place. Some ideas include: regular family dinner at a similar time every day, regular bed time, similar morning routine every day. When kids know what to expect and know what is expected, their stress levels are reduced and they are free to take healthy risks and explore their environment.
4. Teach Empathy and Compassion: The more we can help our children see others’ perspectives and imagine themselves in others’ shoes, the better they will be prepared to engage socially with their peers in a healthy way. Teaching them kindness for themselves and kindness for others prepares them to be all the more resilient when adversity comes along. Not to mention, when they feel good about themselves, they are more confident and caring with those around them. Giving them regular praise, teaching them to like themselves for who they are, and teaching them that making mistakes is part of life and important for learning instills in them, compassion. Helping them to see the world in a nonjudgmental way, will prepare them to adapt and give them a sense of resiliency. When people are empathetic and compassionate they are more engaged with life in a meaningful way.

To summarize, we can help our kids be adaptable, engaged participants of their own experience when we teach them empathy and compassion, create and maintain predictability, allow positive opportunities for choice, and give them frequent and targeted attention. By reducing technology use, we create more opportunities to connect with our families while helping our children’s’ brain develop appropriately. Allowing them to practice delaying gratification and providing clear expectations will help them to thrive in school. And finally, when we teach them how to be kind to themselves, they can go out into the world and show empathy and compassion to others.

References

1. Greenfield, Susan (2015). Modern Technology is Changing the Way Our Brains Work. UK Daily Mail. Available at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-565207/Modern-technology-changing-way-brains-work-says-neuroscientist.html
2. http://www.susangreenfield.com/science/screen-technologies/
3. Mischel, Walter (2014). The Marshmallow Test. Why Self-Control is the Engine of Success. Little Brown and Company. 23 September 2014. Book review available at: http://cimbaitaly.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/book_club_october14.pdf
4. Shoda, Yuichi et al. (1990). Predicting Adolescent Cognitive and Self-Regulatory Competencies From Preschool Delay of Gratification: Identifying Diagnostic Conditions. Developmental Psychology. Vol. 26. 1990. Available at: https://bingschool.stanford.edu/sites/default/files/publications/115-dev_psych_1990.pdf
5. Prooday, Victoria (2016). Why our children are so bored at school, cannot wait, get easily frustrated and have no real friends? Professional Occupational Therapy Blog. 26 May 2016. Available at: http://yourot.com/parenting-club/2016/5/16/why-our-children-are-so-bored-at-school-cant-wait-and-get-so-easily-frustrated
6. Germer, Cristopher K. (2009). The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion. The Guilford Press. 28 April 2009. Available at: http://www.mindfulselfcompassion.org/publications_books.php