by David Brookshire, MPH/ School Counselor & Special Education Case Manager | Dec 1, 2016
As we enter the holiday season, bidding farewell to one year and welcoming another, we inevitably begin a period of transition. Kids transition from school to home before moving on again to the new school year. This is also, of course, a transition for adults as well. By incorporating some of the concepts that have been discussed in previous newsletter articles this year, we all can enjoy our time together with family and friends as we get ready to enter a new phase.
- Create balance.
By giving proactive, positive attention and opportunities for choice, we can empower our children to be engaged as they enter a holiday time and the beginning of a new year. Predictibility can also help to set the tone when kids know what to expect as routines change. This helps everyone to feel relaxed and at ease.
- Be mindful.
With awareness, we can participate in any situation in a healthy and meaningful way. Allowing quiet time is a great we to give our bodies and brains a well-deserved break. This, of course can provide many neurological benefits and is a great we to reset or set the day off in a positive way while reducing stress and setting intention.
- Embrace compassion.
Compassion for self and others involves treating others the way you want to be treated while also treating yourself the caring way you treat others. This allows for an encouraging and supportive environment where everyone can thrive and be comfortable. When children embody this trait they are confident, kind, and courageous.
- Practice Gratitude.
Intentionally choosing to express gratitude on a regular basis literally rewires your brain for optimism, well-being, and life satisfaction. When children and adults make this practice a habit, there is less space for fear and stress neurologically which spills out into the real world as we go through our daily lives. This is especially the case during times of transition which can sometimes be uncertain and stressful. Choosing to take inventory and recognize the positive aspects of our lives doesn’t necessarily mean the negative aspects aren’t present. It simply gives us the power to guide our focus. Kids love making lists of things they appreciate and can teach us well how far the effects of gratitude can reach.
A few simple ideas can have a big impact during times and change and set the stage for a rewarding and fun experience.
by David Brookshire, MPH/ School Counselor & Special Education Case Manager | Oct 28, 2016
Noviembre suele ser el mes cuando reflexionamos y expresamos nuestra gratitud ante lo que poseemos. Esta tradición se celebra en los Estados Unidos durante el día de la Acción de Gracias, el cual forma parte de la temporada de cosecha en muchas partes del mundo. Pasamos más tiempo con la familia y agradecemos la presencia de nuestros queridos. Sea cual sea la tradición, todos nos beneficiamos de la práctica de expresar nuestra gratitud y aprecio. De hecho, las investigaciones indican que está práctica da frutos todo el año.
Obviamente, nuestros prójimos se sienten bien cuando expresamos nuestra gratitud, pero igual vale la pena explorar los beneficios más egoístas. En su artículo La ciencia de la felicidad: La razón por la que sus quejas le están llevando a la muerte, Steven Parton explica cómo el hecho de centrarse en los aspectos positivos de su vida puede literalmente reconfigurar su mente. La neurociencia indica claramente que “las neuronas que se activan en conjunto, establecen conexión” (Parton 2015). Es decir, cuantas más conexiones concretas se establecen en el cerebro, más fuerza ganan y mayor probabilidad se alcanza de que se las mismas se restablezcan con mayor facilidad. Al expresar gratitud con costumbre y al establecerse esas conexiones en el cerebro, obtenemos una perspectiva positiva de la vida. Cuanto más felices nos sentimos, más posible es que veamos los obstáculos como oportunidades. Además, se diminuirá la liberación de la hormona del estrés llamado cortisol y se alcanzará una mejor calidad de vida al sufrir menos problemas de salud. Ya que podemos elegir nuestro enfoque principal, la práctica de gratitud aumenta el bienestar y el nivel de satisfacción.
En the Journal of School Psychology. Froh et al. (2008) evidencian que cuando los estudiantes se sienten afortunados en la adolescencia temprana, su bienestar y nivel de satisfacción personal pueden ser impactados de manera positiva. Al simplemente elaborar una lista diaria de 10 aspectos positivos de su vida, los adolescentes en este estudio expresaron niveles de satisfacción más altos, tanto en el ámbito personal como escolar. Asimismo, mostraron más disposición a ayudar en la escuela y, por lo general, se encontraban de mejor humor (Froh et al. 2008). Incluso con adultos se obtuvieron resultados semejantes. Así que, independientemente de los retrocesos de la vida, las personas podemos controlar nuestras propias experiencias y disfrutar de un sentimiento de bienestar al elegir ser personas agradecidas. Sin duda, esta práctica resulta ser una herramienta valiosa, tanto para nosotros mismos como para nuestros hijos.
Bibliografía
Parton, Steven (2015). The Science of Happiness: Why complaining is literally killing you. Curious Apes. Available at: http://www.curiousapes.com/the-science-of-happiness-why-complaining-is-literally-killing-you/
Froh et al. (2008). Counting blessings in early adolescents: An experimental study of gratitude and subjective well-being. Journal of School Psychology 46 (2008) 213–233. Available at: http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/images/application_uploads/Froh-CountingBlessingsinAdolescents.pdf
by David Brookshire, MPH/ School Counselor & Special Education Case Manager | Oct 28, 2016
November is often the time of year when, as we reflect, we take notice of what we have and express gratitude. This tradition is celebrated in the United States with the Thanksgiving holiday and is often part of the holiday season around the world as the harvest has been reaped and the year comes to an end. Often, we spend extra time with family and appreciate the people we have in our lives. Whatever the tradition, we can all benefit from the practice of expressing gratitude and appreciation. In fact, regardless of the season, research shows that this practice can be advantageous year round.
Of course other people in our lives feel good when we express gratitude to them but there are some excellent selfish benefits worth exploring as well. In his article, The Science of Happiness: Why complaining is literally killing you, Steven Parton explains how focusing on the positive aspects of your life can literally rewire your brain. We know from neuroscience that “neurons that fire together, wire together (Parton 2015).” In other words, the more particular connections are made in the brain, the more strength those connections have and the more likely it is that those same connections will be made again with more ease. As someone practices expressing gratitude and the more those connections are regularly made in the brain, it seems likely that they will generally have a positive outlook on life. The happier someone is, the more likely they will see opportunities as opposed to barriers as the inevitable challenges of life present themselves. Furthermore, the release of the stress hormone, cortisol, will decrease and allow for a better quality of life with less stress related health problems. Because we have a choice on where we put our focus, by choosing to regularly practice gratitude, we can increase our sense of well-being and level of satisfaction.
This is true in the school setting as well as illustrated in the Journal of School Psychology. Froh et al. (2008) demonstrated that “Counting blessings” in early adolescence can have positive impact on well-being and personal satisfaction. By simply making a daily list of 10 positive aspects of their lives, taking note of what they were thankful for, the adolescents in this study expressed higher levels of satisfaction in the school setting and life in general. They also responded more gratefully to help in school and where generally in a better mood than their counterparts (Froh et al. 2008). Similar findings have also been demonstrated with adults. So regardless of life’s setbacks, by choosing to be grateful for the positive aspects, people can mindfully have some control of their own experience and enjoy a sense of well-being. This is a valuable tool to teach our children and practice ourselves because there is so much to be grateful for!
References
Parton, Steven (2015). The Science of Happiness: Why complaining is literally killing you. Curious Apes. Available at: http://www.curiousapes.com/the-science-of-happiness-why-complaining-is-literally-killing-you/
Froh et al. (2008). Counting blessings in early adolescents: An experimental study of gratitude and subjective well-being. Journal of School Psychology 46 (2008) 213–233. Available at: http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/images/application_uploads/Froh-CountingBlessingsinAdolescents.pdf
by David Brookshire, MPH/ School Counselor & Special Education Case Manager | Sep 23, 2016
El mes pasado exploramos los beneficios de la Atención Plena con énfasis en la atención selectiva, la reflexión flexible y la conciencia no crítica. El concepto de la compasión está estrechamente vinculado a la atención plena y viceversa. Sencillamente, la compasión se define como “el sentimiento de pena, de ternura, y de identificación ante los males de alguien” (Real Academia Española 2016). El sufrimiento existe a escala amplia y puede variar de leve a severo. A fines de esta discusión, lo consideraremos como discordia, conflicto o desarmonía a cualquier nivel. Podría manifestarse en forma de estrés, ansiedad o lucha. El sufrimiento es algo que todos vivimos a cierto nivel en algún momento dado en la vida y solemos superarlo con reflexión, cambios y el apoyo de los demás. Este apoyo nos llega a menudo en forma de compasión, tanto hacia nosotros mismos o como por parte de los demás.
Todos podemos pensar en un tiempo cuando mostramos compasión o apoyamos a un amigo. A veces, tendemos una mano, escuchamos con simpatía o alentamos de manera positiva. Cuando los amigos nos necesitan, hacemos lo mejor por tratarlos con amabilidad igual como nos gustaría que nos tratasen en una situación similar. Esa práctica la llamamos la ‘Regla de Oro’. Pero, ¿cuántas veces somos amables con nosotros mismos cuando fracasamos o nos sentimos estresados? La Dra. Kristin Neff de la Universidad de Tejas en Austin, lleva estudiando la autocompasión durante casi una década y afirma que se basa en la noción de tratarnos a nosotros mismos con la misma amabilidad que utilizamos con los demás en tiempos difíciles, es decir, la Regla de Oro al inverso. Si aplicamos esa regla con nosotros mismos, somos más resistentes en tiempos de necesidad y menos reacios a ser bondadosos con los demás. Las investigaciones de la Dra. Neff identifican tres componentes de la autocompasión: autoamabilidad vs. autocrítica, humanidad común vs. aislamiento y atención plena vs. sobreidentificación (Neff 2016). Esas tres ideas pueden ayudarnos a desarrollar la autocompasión.
Para empezar, con la Atención Plena practicamos el ser conscientes de nuestros pensamientos y sentimientos mientras evitamos reaccionar de manera impulsiva. De tal manera, nos convertimos en personas más atentas por actuar con control y serenidad, lo cual requiere de mucha práctica porque a menudo no tomamos consciencia de nuestros sentimientos sino hasta después de haber reaccionado impulsivamente. Esta práctica resulta útil tanto en la vida escolar como personal porque cuando actuamos con calma, consideramos nuestro papel ante cualquier situación y mostramos la mejor versión de nuestra persona al tomar decisiones adecuadas. Luego de haber practicado e tomar consciencia de nuestros pensamientos, nos damos cuenta de que nosotros mismos no nos tratamos con tanta amabilidad como tratamos a un amigo. Tendemos a imponernos mucha autocrítica sin siquiera darnos cuenta. Sin la Atención Plena, nuestra tendencia es de sobreidentificarnos con la autocrítica hasta tal punto que influye en la opinión que tenemos de nosotros mismos y en nuestra autoestima . Por consiguiente, la práctica de ser conscientes de nuestros pensamientos nos ayuda a ser más amables con nosotros mismos al convertir nuestros pensamientos de autocrítica en estímulos positivos.
Requiere de mucha práctica brindar apoyo y ofrecer palabras de aliento a uno mismo con la finalidad de adoptar el concepto de la autocompasión mencionado por la Dra. Neff. Sus investigaciones nos recuerdan que “Las personas compasivas reconocen que los fracasos, las dificultades y la imperfección son inevitables así que, cuando la vida pierde su encanto, afrontan las experiencias dolorosas con gentileza en vez de enojo (Neff 2016).” Gracias a ello, somos menos autocríticos y más abiertos a aceptar situaciones distintas, lo que nos permite superar mejor los tiempos difíciles y seguir adelante. Si nos permitimos fracasar y cometer errores, nos damos cuenta que son componentes esenciales de todo proceso de aprendizaje que nos impulsan hacia el crecimiento.
Conforme aprendemos, crecemos y adoptamos una actitud de atención plena y autocompasión, descubrimos que no estamos solos. Como consecuencia de lo anterior, abordamos el tema de la humanidad común propuesta por la dra. Neff. Ella nos recuerda que “la autocompasión implica que reconozcamos que el sufrimiento y la imperfección personal son partes integrales de la experiencia humana compartida, algo que todos vivimos en lugar de algo que me sucede a “mí” solamente (Neff 2016). En otras palabras, llegamos a comprender que las pruebas, los obstáculos, el fracaso y el estrés nos afectan a todos en algún momento. Aprendemos que “todo pasará” y que al salir adelante las experiencias nos enriquecen. Asimismo, alcanzamos más resistencia mientras afrontamos las dificultades como oportunidades de convertirnos en personas mejores e intentamos lograr nuestros objetivos y deseos.
A medida que descubrimos quiénes somos y cómo nos relacionamos con el mundo, tanto como niños como adultos, la autocompasión nos puede llevar a aceptarnos a nosotros mismos e incluso a los demás. La próxima vez que cometamos un error o adoptemos una mala decisión, tal vez podamos reconocer que “está bien sentirse frustrados” o que “atravesamos una mala racha”. Ese tipo de afirmaciones, según la dra. Neff, nos ayuda a reconocer que todos ponemos todo de nuestra parte la mayoría del tiempo bajo circunstancias dadas. Esa actitud de aceptación nos puede motivar a explorar decisiones mejores. Cuando aprendemos de las experiencias vividas, cuando las integramos y enseñamos a nuestros hijos a seguir nuestro ejemplo, nos convertimos en personas más balanceadas, flexibles y preparadas para lidiar con los altibajos de la vida.
Bibliografía
- Real Academia Española (2006). Disponible en: http://dle.rae.es
- Kristin Neff, Ph.D. (2016). Definición de la autocompasión. Disponible en: selfcompassion.org.
by David Brookshire, MPH/ School Counselor & Special Education Case Manager | Sep 23, 2016
Last month’s topic explored the benefits of mindfulness with an emphasis on selective attention, flexible thinking, and nonjudgmental awareness. The concept of compassion is intimately linked with mindfulness and vice versa. Simply put, compassion can be defined as sympathy for the suffering of others accompanied by a desire to alleviate such suffering (Merriam Webster 2016). Suffering exists on a broad spectrum and can range from severe to mild. For the purpose this discussion, let’s frame it as discord, strife, or disharmony at any level. It could be in the form of stress, anxiety, or struggle. Suffering is something we all experience at some level, at some point in our life and we generally overcome it with reflection, change, and support from others. This often comes in the form of compassion. Compassion for ourselves and compassion from others.
We can all think of a time when we showed compassion for a friend or someone in need when we offered them support. Sometimes this takes the form of a helping hand, a listening ear, or positive encouragement. When friends need help, we generally do our best to offer kindness as we treat them the way we would like to be treated if we were in a similar situation. This, of course, is known as the “Golden Rule.” But, how often do we treat ourselves with such kindness in times of stress or failure? Dr. Kristin Neff of the University of Texas at Austin, has spent a good part of the last decade studying self-compassion and it is based on this notion of treating ourselves with kindness as we do with others when they are in need, basically the Golden Rule in reverse. And, when we practice this level of kindness with ourselves first, we are much more resilient in times of stress and much more capable of giving kindness to others. Dr. Neff identifies in her research, the three components of self-compassion as: self-kindness vs. self-judgment, common humanity vs. isolation, and Mindfulness vs. over-identification (Neff 2016). These three ideas can help as we learn to be more self-compassionate.
Beginning with Mindfulness, we practice being aware of our thoughts and emotions without judgement and practice less impulsivity and reactivity to our experiences. This helps us to be more thoughtful as we act from a place composure and control. This takes a lot of practice because often, we are not even aware of our thoughts and feelings until after we have reacted, sometimes in a negative way or in a way in which we wish we hadn’t. This practice is helpful in the school setting and in life, in general, because when we act from a place poise, we take into consideration our role in a given situation and demonstrate the best version of ourselves as we make choices. Once we practice being aware of our thoughts we realize that we are often not very kind to ourselves, as we would be to a friend. We tend to be very judgmental and critical in our thoughts without even being aware of it. Without Mindfulness, we tend to over identify with this judgement which can affect our overall opinion of ourselves, our self- esteem, and self-confidence. So, by practicing being aware of our thoughts, we can practice being kinder to ourselves by changing thoughts of judgement and criticism into thoughts of self-support and self-encouragement.
Being self-supportive and self-encouraging takes practice in order to embrace Dr. Neff’s concept of self-kindness. From her research, Dr. Neff reminds us that, “Self-compassionate people recognize that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so they tend to be gentle with themselves when confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry when life falls short of set ideals (Neff 2016).” This idea allows us to be less self-critical and more accepting of whatever current situation we find ourselves in. From this place of acceptance, we are more able to process life’s difficulties and move forward in a way that gives ourselves permission to fail and make mistakes. When we do this, we realize that failure is a very important part of the learning process and an opportunity to learn and grow.
As we learn and grow and incorporate an attitude of Mindfulness and self-kindness, we realize that we are all in this together. This explains Dr. Neff’s concept of common “humanity vs. isolation.” Dr. Neff reminds us that,” self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience – something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone (Neff 2016).” By recognizing this, we’re more likely to understand that trials, tribulation, failure, and stress are all a part of life that we all experience at some point. In a way, this gives us permission to push forward as we realize that “this too shall pass” and we can learn from our experiences. This helps us to be resilient and as we see life’s difficulty as opportunity to become better versions of ourselves as we reach for our goals and realize our desires.
As we learn as children who we are and how we relate to the world and as we continue to learn it in adulthood and throughout life, incorporating an attitude of self-compassion can allow us to be more accepting of ourselves, and therefore more accepting of others. The next time we make a mistake or an undesirable choice; instead of criticizing, blaming, and judging ourselves, we can say something like, “It’s okay, I’m really frustrated,” or, “I’m going through a difficult time right now.” Statements like this, according to Dr. Neff, can help us realize that we’re all really doing our best most of the time, given the circumstances. This attitude of acceptance can act as a springboard to explore better choices as we learn from our experiences. When we learn from and integrate our experiences and teach our children to do the same, we become more balanced, adaptable people always able to handle the highs and lows of life.
References
- Merriam Webster (2006). Available at: dictionary.com
- Kristin Neff, Ph.D. (2016). Definition of Self-Compassion. Available at: selfcompassion.org.
